Have you ever said something you regret? Made a comment you wish you could take back? Perhaps you tried to make a joke and offended someone. In any case, how do you react?

I saw this thread on Twitter, which started off with this comment: "Please know, if you’re someone who brings a book to the bar… nobody likes you". I don't know this person, and I know this isn't remotely true. I take books to bars and restaurants all the time. I travel alone and use a lot of spare time to read, usually over 100 books a year. I often dine alone and will have a drink or a meal at a bar while I read. I'm getting off track here.

The sentiment isn't really important, and I wasn't offended. What I liked in this thread was the reaction of the author. He reflected and then wrote that it's not his thing, he had a poor perception of this action based on a friend, and he hadn't considered other points of view. What interested me was the reaction to learn, to change your mind, and to apologize.

I see the same thing in software development and operations teams. Sometimes we have very strong opinions or ideas on things. We might imply, or even say, that someone isn't smart when they made a mistake. We might call them a name, or we might denigrate them for making a suggestion.

I think strong opinions are good. They help us move forward, decisively, in a timely manner. They give us the confidence to do our jobs. However, that doesn't mean we are always right, or that we shouldn't present ourselves differently to a group.

My view is that we ought to have strong opinions, loosely held. If there is evidence that we are wrong, or we need to adapt, we should change something. If we offend someone or weaken the team, we ought to apologize. It's often easier to apologize than change our habits, though both skills are valuable in our careers.