The SQL Joke Thread
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There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, those who don’t.
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In Canadian hexadecimal, why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9 A? -
A group of DBAs walk into a diner.
One waved over the waiter: “Can we join these tables?” -
TitusCrews - Thursday, May 3, 2018 9:27 AM
The waiter at the diner calls over the group of DBA's because the waiter can't figure out a way to join the tables.
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we travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us
Don't fear failure, fear regret. -
Jeff Moden - Wednesday, May 2, 2018 10:25 AM
Why did the DBA have a car that can only go forward? He didn't know how to back up.
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we travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us
Don't fear failure, fear regret. -
Why couldn't the dba normalize the database?
Because it had NoSQL!
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*While looking up the sky*
Son: Dad, what are clouds made of?
Dad: Linux Servers, mostly. -
Girl: So, what's your idea of a perfect date?
Guy: YYYY-MM-DD, I find other formats a bit confusing. -
Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.” -
Poem about Uber Queries ( god procs)
one proc to rule them
one proc to bind them
one proc to bring them all and in the darkness, deadlock them'precious deadlock'
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A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS".
"G.O.O.D" answered his wife.
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The Programmers' Cheer:
Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte! -
A guy was smoking and puffing smoke rings in the air..
His girlfriend gets irritated with the smoke and says to the guy: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette packet? Smoking is dangerous to your health!"
The guy replies: "Look, I'm a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
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TitusCrews - Monday, May 7, 2018 6:55 AM
Heh.... my standard answer is that "Smoking prevents fuming". 🙂
--Jeff Moden
RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.
"Change is inevitable... change for the better is not".
Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)
Intro to Tally Tables and Functions
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