Are the posted questions getting worse?
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Brandie Tarvin (6/5/2013)
Damn. Out-Ninja'd by Sean.
Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events -
Sean Lange (6/5/2013)
Jack Corbett (6/5/2013)
SQLRNNR (6/5/2013)
Sean Lange (6/5/2013)
Jeff Moden (6/4/2013)
Brandie Tarvin (6/4/2013)
My Recovery Plan1) SCREAM really loudly so everyone knows there is a problem.
2) Run out of the building as fast as possible.
3) Update my resume.
4) Job hunt.
5) Repeat as needed.
My plan is to first get 3 envelopes...
(+100 if you get that one, as well) 😀
I love that joke and I use it regularly. 😀
Raises hand and asks
Please splain?
+1 as I don't get the reference either.
OK here we go...sorry to spoil it Jeff.
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
duhn duhn duhn
Now I recall. I had heard that one before and yeah, I like it.
Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events -
Brandie Tarvin (6/5/2013)
Damn. Out-Ninja'd by Sean.Funny...I got the exact verbiage from the same place. 😀
_______________________________________________________________
Need help? Help us help you.
Read the article at http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Best+Practices/61537/ for best practices on asking questions.
Need to split a string? Try Jeff Modens splitter http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Tally+Table/72993/.
Cross Tabs and Pivots, Part 1 – Converting Rows to Columns - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/T-SQL/63681/
Cross Tabs and Pivots, Part 2 - Dynamic Cross Tabs - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Crosstab/65048/
Understanding and Using APPLY (Part 1) - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/APPLY/69953/
Understanding and Using APPLY (Part 2) - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/APPLY/69954/ -
SQLRNNR (6/5/2013)
Sean Lange (6/5/2013)
Jack Corbett (6/5/2013)
SQLRNNR (6/5/2013)
Sean Lange (6/5/2013)
Jeff Moden (6/4/2013)
Brandie Tarvin (6/4/2013)
My Recovery Plan1) SCREAM really loudly so everyone knows there is a problem.
2) Run out of the building as fast as possible.
3) Update my resume.
4) Job hunt.
5) Repeat as needed.
My plan is to first get 3 envelopes...
(+100 if you get that one, as well) 😀
I love that joke and I use it regularly. 😀
Raises hand and asks
Please splain?
+1 as I don't get the reference either.
OK here we go...sorry to spoil it Jeff.
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
duhn duhn duhn
Now I recall. I had heard that one before and yeah, I like it.
+1. Not enough room in my head for this and baseball statistice 😀
Jack Corbett
Consultant - Straight Path Solutions
Check out these links on how to get faster and more accurate answers:
Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help
Need an Answer? Actually, No ... You Need a Question -
Brandie Tarvin (6/5/2013)
Damn. Out-Ninja'd by Sean.Like this?
Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/way0utwest
Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help
My Blog: www.voiceofthedba.com -
Hope he doesn't hit the bomb...
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How best to post your question[/url]
How to post performance problems[/url]
Tally Table:What it is and how it replaces a loop[/url]"stewsterl 80804 (10/16/2009)I guess when you stop and try to understand the solution provided you not only learn, but save yourself some headaches when you need to make any slight changes."
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Don't you hate it when you finally figure out a solution for a difficult problem and it creates 5 more problems that the old way disguised?
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When you encounter a problem, if the solution isn't readily evident go back to the start and check your assumptions.
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It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.
What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?
You ask a glass of water. -- Douglas Adams -
Stefan Krzywicki (6/5/2013)
Don't you hate it when you finally figure out a solution for a difficult problem and it creates 5 more problems that the old way disguised?Those are always a lot of fun
Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events -
Stefan Krzywicki (6/5/2013)
Don't you hate it when you finally figure out a solution for a difficult problem and it creates 5 more problems that the old way disguised?I would say it depends on how much fun it is to solve the 5 additional problems!
My mantra: No loops! No CURSORs! No RBAR! Hoo-uh![/I]My thought question: Have you ever been told that your query runs too fast?
My advice:
INDEXing a poor-performing query is like putting sugar on cat food. Yeah, it probably tastes better but are you sure you want to eat it?
The path of least resistance can be a slippery slope. Take care that fixing your fixes of fixes doesn't snowball and end up costing you more than fixing the root cause would have in the first place.Need to UNPIVOT? Why not CROSS APPLY VALUES instead?[/url]
Since random numbers are too important to be left to chance, let's generate some![/url]
Learn to understand recursive CTEs by example.[/url]
[url url=http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/St -
dwain.c (6/5/2013)
Stefan Krzywicki (6/5/2013)
Don't you hate it when you finally figure out a solution for a difficult problem and it creates 5 more problems that the old way disguised?I would say it depends on how much fun it is to solve the 5 additional problems!
I agree, It would be challenging and fun but only till I get blamed for the 5 additional problems
Statements like This problem didn't exist until you fixed the other problem last week. is a real possibility sometimes
Kingston DhasianHow to post data/code on a forum to get the best help - Jeff Moden
http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Best+Practices/61537/ -
Anybody from the thread heading to SQL Saturday Edinburgh?
I'm flying up tonight. Looks like the weather will be good - even though I'll be indoors most of the time! 🙂
Rodders...
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rodjkidd (6/6/2013)
Anybody from the thread heading to SQL Saturday Edinburgh?I'm flying up tonight. Looks like the weather will be good - even though I'll be indoors most of the time! 🙂
Rodders...
No...enjoy. Spent a few years there in the 80's, loved it.
“Write the query the simplest way. If through testing it becomes clear that the performance is inadequate, consider alternative query forms.” - Gail ShawFor fast, accurate and documented assistance in answering your questions, please read this article.
Understanding and using APPLY, (I) and (II) Paul White
Hidden RBAR: Triangular Joins / The "Numbers" or "Tally" Table: What it is and how it replaces a loop Jeff Moden -
ChrisM@Work (6/6/2013)
rodjkidd (6/6/2013)
Anybody from the thread heading to SQL Saturday Edinburgh?I'm flying up tonight. Looks like the weather will be good - even though I'll be indoors most of the time! 🙂
Rodders...
No...enjoy. Spent a few years there in the 80's, loved it.
Thanks Chris, been there quite a few times in the 90's and early naughties. Pity I can't stay longer really!
Rodders...
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rodjkidd (6/6/2013)
Anybody from the thread heading to SQL Saturday Edinburgh?I'm flying up tonight. Looks like the weather will be good - even though I'll be indoors most of the time! 🙂
Rodders...
Enjoy. I'd be tempted if it were the Sat after SQL in the City, but too far for me to swing by for a pint.
Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/way0utwest
Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help
My Blog: www.voiceofthedba.com -
Steve Jones - SSC Editor (6/6/2013)
rodjkidd (6/6/2013)
Anybody from the thread heading to SQL Saturday Edinburgh?I'm flying up tonight. Looks like the weather will be good - even though I'll be indoors most of the time! 🙂
Rodders...
Enjoy. I'd be tempted if it were the Sat after SQL in the City, but too far for me to swing by for a pint.
Cheers Steve - so that's why the Dublin one is the day after SQL in the City 😉
Rodders...
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