February 21, 2008 at 11:19 am
"How long was I dead for THIS time?" - The Unknown One, DreamScape - Torment.
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Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part...unless you're my manager...or a director and above...or a really loud-spoken end-user..All right - what was my emergency again?
February 21, 2008 at 11:40 am
Brandie Tarvin (2/21/2008)
I'm glad I started this thread. I've been enjoying everyone's quotes. @=)
It IS fun not only to see what people are reading but to get an idea of what they find interesting or funny.
For instance, at the end of Ice Hunt by James Rollins the bad guy wonders just how long it would take him to go mad. He was caught in physical suspended animation with a wide-awake mind, at the bottom of the Arctic Ocean with no hope of rescue. Kind of like a job I once had... :w00t:
February 22, 2008 at 1:01 am
You've got me going now. Who said this first?
"Bring on the dancing girls"
My late father used to say it when things went 'fubar'
:Whistling:
Madame Artois
February 22, 2008 at 3:44 am
My favourite quote from a technical book is from Graeme Birchall in the DB2 SQL Cookbook. This is a free resource, and contains much good advice on using SQL that applies as much to SQL Server as it does to DB2.
On the subject of answering reader's queries about this free book, Graeme says
And if you are obviously an idiot, don't be surprised if I point out (for free, remember) that you are an idiot.
Original author: https://github.com/SQL-FineBuild/Common/wiki/ 1-click install and best practice configuration of SQL Server 2019, 2017 2016, 2014, 2012, 2008 R2, 2008 and 2005.
When I give food to the poor they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor they call me a communist - Archbishop Hélder Câmara
February 22, 2008 at 4:20 am
Ed,
Let me guess. Readers were asking him how much the resource cost. @=)
February 22, 2008 at 4:38 am
EdVassie (2/22/2008)
My favourite quote from a technical book is from Graeme Birchall in the DB2 SQL Cookbook. This is a free resource, and contains much good advice on using SQL that applies as much to SQL Server as it does to DB2.On the subject of answering reader's queries about this free book, Graeme says
And if you are obviously an idiot, don't be surprised if I point out (for free, remember) that you are an idiot.
At the beginning of her book Southern Discomfort Rita Mae Brown says something along the lines of "I hope you like my book. If you don't, write your own."
February 22, 2008 at 6:38 am
Since we're having a little fun with our favorite quotes, here's another one to add to the collection.
Woody Allen: Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the human mind.
🙂
February 22, 2008 at 8:25 am
Ok, this isn't from a book but rather from a movie, "Galaxy Quest" - but I've pulled it out and used it...
"Look, I've got one job on this ship -- it's stupid -- but I'm going to do it, okay?" - Sigourney Weaver's character
p.s. I didn't realize there were book spin-offs from Monk (my favorite TV show! I go into withdrawals when the season ends.)
February 25, 2008 at 2:17 pm
My fav, not sure where it came from!
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.
You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.
You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won’t have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper.
On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.
I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of whay you wrote, because, well... it didn’t really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us “normal” people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are “challenged” persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn’t have been “right”. Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
February 25, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I don't know where that last once came from either, but I think it might have been my last performance appraisal...
My hat's off to anyone who can remember that long a passage from anything.
February 25, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Not hardly from memory...Google this for 599 results: "dankish clack-dish plonker"
February 25, 2008 at 3:30 pm
February 26, 2008 at 11:38 am
One of my favorite quotes is in my signature block. Was quite fitting during a transition I made a year and half ago. Also fitting for the work we all do...
Ian.
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-- Winston Churchill
February 26, 2008 at 11:53 am
In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
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"You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"You ask a glass of water."
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-- Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
February 26, 2008 at 12:20 pm
My favorite quotes are all religious and inspirational, which doesn't seem to be the theme of this thread. (For example: "Force yourself to smile and you’ll soon stop frowning. Force yourself to laugh and you’ll soon find something to laugh about. Wax enthusiastic and you’ll very soon feel so. A being causes his own feelings. The greatest joy there is in life is creating. Splurge on it!" Or, "Don't regret yesterday. Life is in you today and you create your own tomorrow.")
My favorite entertaining lines from a movie:
Mrs. Beard to her son Dan: "When I told you your father was dead, I was just trying to cushion the blow. In fact, he's alive and in prison as a pirate."
Dan: "A pirate! Like ... Yellowbeard?!?"
Mrs. Beard: "Yes, very much like Yellowbeard. In fact, he is Yellowbeard."
(I could go on for most of the script. The movie is "Yellowbeard", with most of the Monty Python crew, Cheech and Chong, Madeline Khan, and Marty Feldman.)
From a book:
(As he holds a gun against a man's chest) "I'm holding the key to a door you definitely don't want opened." ("Footfall", Niven and Pournell)
Lots of other great lines, humorous, dramatic or otherwise, in lots of other books and movies, but those are what come to mind at the moment.
- Gus "GSquared", RSVP, OODA, MAP, NMVP, FAQ, SAT, SQL, DNA, RNA, UOI, IOU, AM, PM, AD, BC, BCE, USA, UN, CF, ROFL, LOL, ETC
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"Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everyone agrees it's old enough to know better." - Anon
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