You just might be a DBA if.....

  • ... you want to cry when you see orphans 🙁

    ... when you believe that horizontal and vertical partitioning have nothing to do with rooms or walls

  • You really really a dba if you receive a phone call telling you they got a problem as much as a telephone operator

  • you order your husband's sock drawer by color, and then by manufacturer....

    Tina Bonanno

    Programmer/Analyst

    Caron Foundation

    tbonanno@caronfoundation.org


    Tina Bonanno
    Programmer/Analyst
    Caron Foundation
    tbonanno@caronfoundation.org

  • ...the C programmers ask you what you been smokin'.

    "Don't roll your eyes at me. I will tape them in place." (Teacher on Boston Public)

  • You find yourself padlocked to your PC and you have and intraveneous Coffee-Drip (or perhaps Herbal Tea) inserted in your arm


    I have found it is possible to please all of the people all of the time if you do exactly what they want. Harold Macmillan 1961

  • ...Your personal opinion of MS improved dramatically the first time you saw BOL

    ...The high point of your day is killing an offending user process

    My hovercraft is full of eels.

  • Personally I go straight for the offending user, got a closet full of bodies I am keeping under wraps.

    "Don't roll your eyes at me. I will tape them in place." (Teacher on Boston Public)

  • ... change an sa-password without even blinking an eye

    ... keep a server up and running without even being consulted by the rest of the world

    ... make a backup-copy of your notebook and use it twice a year to see if it works

    Johan

    Learn to play, play to learn !

    Dont drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ...
    but keeping both feet on the ground wont get you anywhere :w00t:

    - How to post Performance Problems
    - How to post data/code to get the best help[/url]

    - How to prevent a sore throat after hours of presenting ppt

    press F1 for solution, press shift+F1 for urgent solution 😀

    Need a bit of Powershell? How about this

    Who am I ? Sometimes this is me but most of the time this is me

  • You were the last person consulted on a database issue and got so pissed off you resigned.

    6 months later you see your old job advertised at twice the salary.

    Scott Adams is writing your autobiography.

  • ... the first thing you do on a new Windows installation is going into the Regional Settings to change the date format to yyyy-mm-dd

    Jeremy

  • ...You spend hours on end with the same query mumbling something to the effect of "We can rebuild it, we have the technology. We can make it faster."

    "Don't roll your eyes at me. I will tape them in place." (Teacher on Boston Public)

  • ...if a user says their query is running too slow and you say "Then quit running queries!"

    ...if the bosses are worried the database size is growing too quickly and you say "then quit putting data in my database" (and they don't fire you for saying so). (true story)

    ...the higher ups don't purchase backup software and you can't decide whether t o spend everyday talking nicely to the database so it doesn't crash on you until you get the software or hope it crashes and the higher ups see the light since they won't be seeing their data any more. (true again)

    -SQLBill

  • ... if you finally force yourself to take a vacation after 4.87 years, and upon arriving at the hotel you demand to login to the reservation system's back end CONVINCED you can speed up the check-in process.

  • When asked what it is you do, friends and relatives always ask: So, you do data entry?

    /*****************

    If most people are not willing to see the difficulty, this is mainly because, consciously or unconsciously, they assume that it will be they who will settle these questions for the others, and because they are convinced of their own capacity to do this. -Friedrich August von Hayek

    *****************/

  • or

    You don't believe in one to one relationships!

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