Pet Peeves
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quote:
People who put on their emergency flashers when it rains. I can see that it's raining, thank you very much. So turn off your flashers, put out your cigarrette (use the ash tray
), hang up your cell phone, and just drive please.
hey, the world is really a village. Looks like you've described situation here.
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Or how about people who own a $40,000+ SUV (sport utility vehicle) and slow down to 2 miles per hour when they come across a tiny puddle? You bought what basically is supposed to be an off-road vehicle and you're afraid to get it wet? Please!
don't be naive!!!
With such a car you NEED to be seen
In addition to this, in almost any cases you are finacially able to buy such a car, when you are nead dead .For the rest of you, like me, we drive an inexpensive and slow car, but wish for the other one.
ROTFL!
Cheers,
Frank
--
Frank Kalis
Microsoft SQL Server MVP
Webmaster: http://www.insidesql.org/blogs
My blog: http://www.insidesql.org/blogs/frankkalis/[/url] -
quote:
You should let me borrow that time machine. I could go back to 1975 and kill Bill Gates. Do us all a favor.
what about killing those managers who didn't believe Personal computer have a chance or those managers who thought OS/2 isn't worth developing any further
Anyway, time for some morning joke
1. In the beginning God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those
he created the Word.
2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And
God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said -
Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks
and hard disks and compact disks.
4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to
put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created
computers and called them hardware.
5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big.
And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
6. And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will
make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God
showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the
volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took
a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look
up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the
Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.
9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was
good.
10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said
to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?
11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and
every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not
even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You
will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your
mouse.
13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier
to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows
could replace it.
14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the
Programmers that it was good.
15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God
asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I
am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And
God said - Who said you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the
Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to!
16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all
the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you
will always sell Windows.
17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will
disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use
lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmer's help.
18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you
will never be happy. All your programs will have errors. And you will
have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and
secured it with a password.
20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT.
-------------------------
Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase, copyright, and
upgrade God Himself. The new product would be named, predictably enough,
"Microsoft God," and would be available to consumers sometime in late 1998.
Too many people feel separated from God in today's world," said Dave
McCavaugh, director of Microsoft's new Religions division. "Microsoft God
will make our Lord more accessible and will add an easy, intuitive user
interface to Him, making Him not only easier to find, but easier to
communicate with."
The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a multitude of
add-on products to Microsoft God, including: Microsoft Crusades: This
conversion product will bring all worshipper accounts and prayer files over
from previous versions of God, or from competing products like Buddha or
Allah.
Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God with
Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible from the
World Wide Web using a standard Web browser interface. It introduces
several new Web technologies, including Dynamic Salvation and Active Prayer
Pages (APP). Donations for the poor can be donated via a Secure Alms
Server.
Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this product
will allow worshippers to construct effective prayers in a minimum of time.
A Secure Prayer Channel technology allows guaranteed delivery of the prayer
to Microsoft God servers, and Prayer Wizards enable users to construct new
types of prayers with a minimum learning curve.
Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshippers to transfer their sins
to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product will
erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear line of secure
communications to the user's Microsoft God server.
Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of complimentary
products for the new Religions line, which will enhance the functionality of
the Microsoft God server product by providing a customized user interface.
These interfaces will be based on popular religious sects, allowing
worshippers to interact with the new God product in much the same way as the
previous version. This line is expected to include Microsoft Christianity,
Microsoft Catholicism, Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with Microsoft
Savior), etc.
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Ah, I really love those 'social' threads.
Cheers,
Frank
--
Frank Kalis
Microsoft SQL Server MVP
Webmaster: http://www.insidesql.org/blogs
My blog: http://www.insidesql.org/blogs/frankkalis/[/url] -
I've seen a few mentions in this thread about management and I guess my chief complaint where I am is that it tends to be re-active rather than pro-active. Several years ago when times were good and we (not me personally, but the company) were rolling in money, we had ample time and resources to test, troubleshoot, and train on applications before they were deployed.
Now we mostly deploy and repair things on the fly. And forget about training unless it's free. The only thing to do is to use great sites like this one
and learn as much as you can on your own.The other thing I have to say against a re-active environment is that the basic philosophy seems to be 'if it's not broken, don't fix it'. But when it does eventually break (and it will sooner or later), management tends to over-react in something like the following manner:
1. Find someone to blame and excoriate them
2. Schedule dozens of endless meetings to discuss the problem
3. Develop a massive multi-page workplan to ensure the problem never happens again
4. Adopt a counter-productive and restrictive policy that makes other peoples jobs more difficult (but does not really address the underlying problem)
5. Make a presentation to the Board of Directors on what a great job you've done (what ever would managers do without PowerPoint?)
...when the whole situation could have been avoided in the first place if we had been a little more pro-active in our approach, and if the staff had the proper training.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better now!
"Remember to take credit for the good things you say and do." Anonymous
My hovercraft is full of eels.
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I'm still wondering about this whole someone else pump your gas thing. Is it unionized? Maybe there are two of them, one to unscrew the cap, the other to handle the nozzle.
Yes, anyone on a cell phone while "driving" is enough for me to pass them at the first opportunity.
People who do not turn right on red, but who sit there wondering about their place in the universe.
People in the "fast lane" who are bound and determined to drive less than the speed limit.
People who like to dial their phone at any time in traffic. I'm not talking speed dial; I'm talking about checking the number in their "organizer" (I'm in a quotations mood) while they dial and drive with their knees.
People who drive and eat food. I watched a woman eat soup with a spoon while driving last week.
People who go into a fast food restaurant and stare at the menus for 20 minutes before ordering.
People who wait until they are in front of the line at the bank before they starting writing their check/deposit slip/whatever.
People who write checks. Talk about a time machine.
People, who instead carrying cases, now have those cheap little carts with plastic wheels and drag their shit everywhere.
That should do it for one morning....
Dr. Peter Venkman: Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
Patrick
Quand on parle du loup, on en voit la queue
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Lots of complaints about management, here. Most of them are probably justified. All I know is that, from my perspective as a career non-manager, management looks like a very difficult, perilous profession, and I want no part of it. (Of course, some managers specialize in making it look difficult.) My hat is off to those who choose it and are good at it.
My complaints about management are really against a management philosophy that has been rampant in the U.S., thanks to the Harvard Business School, since the 1950s. This philosophy is based on the proposition that management is a separate discipline from the fields being managed, and that -- therefore -- one can manage effectively without a firm understanding of the task at hand.
This is a rich topic for philosophical debate. However, the real-world manifestations (rather, infestation) of this philosophy has been "The Attack of the MBAs". I spent most of my career working for an engineering firm, where most of the managers had real experience in widget-making. Then I worked for a year for another firm, a consulting firm, which for the purposes of specific projects liked to partner techies with MBAs -- "business analysts". Frankly, I did not find this to be an edifying experience.
I have to be careful not to paint with too broad a brush: Some of the business analysts -- the smart ones -- were very good employees. But it turned into a rich proving ground for the type of employee best characterized by the phrase, "CEO-wannabe". This is the kind of individual who doesn't know very much, but does know one thing: that he wants to be in charge. Even if I didn't have specific complaints (and I do), I have an instinctive revulsion for people whose every move and utterance is designed to curry favor with the powers-that-be. People like that don't mind at all underbidding a project, being the hero for winning the award, and then letting the techies suffer the 70-hour weeks in a modern software version of the Bataan Death March.
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No, it is rampant her in the Southeastern US too. I personally am in need of a junior DBA but there is no money in the budget for one. Heck, most of the IT staff here is lucky to still be employed, and we are all doing the work of at least two people. Maybe this will change when things pick back up next year.
Hope things pick up here as I've just been made redundant
Any junior dba jobs out there? Can start asap Like the jokes Frank!
Laters
"I didn't do anything it just got complicated" - M Edwards
"I didn't do anything it just got complicated" - M Edwards -
Might be not the right topic to ask this, but anyway here it goes.
What is the difference between senior and junior dba?
apart from payment, responsibilities...
Cheers,
Frank
--
Frank Kalis
Microsoft SQL Server MVP
Webmaster: http://www.insidesql.org/blogs
My blog: http://www.insidesql.org/blogs/frankkalis/[/url] -
Senior DBA: Grey hair, cautious to the point of paranoia, never volunteers for anything not strictly database related and has a tendency to chitchat about normalization.
Junior DBA: Younger, willing to overcommit themselves and a tendency to say "Ah screw the users. They won't even know that I took the database down to reboot the server."
"I met Larry Niven at ConClave 27...AND I fixed his computer. How cool is that?"
(Memoirs of a geek) -
The American and the Japanese corporate offices for a large multi-national corporation decided to engage in a competitive boat race.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So, as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized.
The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American office laid-off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
Cheers,
Frank
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Frank Kalis
Microsoft SQL Server MVP
Webmaster: http://www.insidesql.org/blogs
My blog: http://www.insidesql.org/blogs/frankkalis/[/url] -
Sales people who give a demo of our website without telling us that they are doing so. You know the kind of demo...150 people in a room in front of terminals, and the demo person says, OK everybody, type this in...now hit Enter... I hate when that happens!
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People (well, managers) who don't understand that if I'm busy working on something that they classify as urgent, then I don't have the time to do something that isn't urgent...
... so why am I spending time here? *ahem*.
Thomas Rushton
blog: https://thelonedba.wordpress.com -
Hey, hey, hey. I've seen the US Rowing team and we'd beat the Japanese by a mile.
BTW I used to row, so pick on some other sport.
Steve Jones
http://qa.sqlservercentral.com/columnists/sjones
The Best of SQL Server Central.com 2002 - http://qa.sqlservercentral.com/bestof/
Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/way0utwest
Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help
My Blog: www.voiceofthedba.com -
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BTW I used to row, so pick on some other sport.
Story of my life: I rowed when I should have columned.
Edited by - Lee Dise on 09/12/2003 11:32:26 AM
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LOL at Lee's post. Maybe time to 'table' this.
"Remember to take credit for the good things you say and do." Anonymous
My hovercraft is full of eels.
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1. People who thump their cigarettes out of the car window.
My hero on this point is Harlen Ellison. He had the nerve when a person threw their cigar out the window at a curb to toss it back into their back seat.
), hang up your cell phone, and just drive please.
.
Any junior dba jobs out there? Can start asap 
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