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General Qestions

  • May 23, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    #1492230

    Wow... I'm always amazed to see people spend so much time on feeding frenzies like this.

    --Jeff Moden

    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.
    "Change is inevitable... change for the better is not".
    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)
    Intro to Tally Tables and Functions

  • May 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    #1492253

    I laughed very hard at the replies here, but if we're posting serious answers now, I think the OP should start with this post by Paul Randal: http://www.sqlskills.com/BLOGS/PAUL/post/The-art-of-asking-email-questions-or-not.aspx

    This post is about asking for help in emails, but I think it mostly applies to frums as well.

    My blog: SQL Soldier[/url]
    SQL Server Best Practices:     SQL Server Best Practices
    Twitter: @SQLSoldier
    My book: Pro SQL Server 2008 Mirroring[/url]
    Microsoft Certified Master: SQL Server, Data Platform MVP
    Database Engineer at BlueMountain Capital Management[/url]

  • May 24, 2012 at 1:31 am

    #1492281

    Robert Davis (5/23/2012)

    I laughed very hard at the replies here, but if we're posting serious answers now, I think the OP should start with this post by Paul Randal: http://www.sqlskills.com/BLOGS/PAUL/post/The-art-of-asking-email-questions-or-not.aspx

    This post is about asking for help in emails, but I think it mostly applies to frums as well.

    why spoil the fun?

    Adam Zacks-------------------------------------------Be Nice, Or Leave

  • May 24, 2012 at 1:39 am

    #1492283

    Schadenfreude-Mei (5/24/2012)

    Robert Davis (5/23/2012)

    I laughed very hard at the replies here, but if we're posting serious answers now, I think the OP should start with this post by Paul Randal: http://www.sqlskills.com/BLOGS/PAUL/post/The-art-of-asking-email-questions-or-not.aspx

    This post is about asking for help in emails, but I think it mostly applies to frums as well.

    why spoil the fun?

    Indeed. As we speak, this thread is becoming a twitter hit 😀

    Need an answer? No, you need a question
    My blog at https://sqlkover.com.
    MCSE Business Intelligence - Microsoft Data Platform MVP

  • May 24, 2012 at 2:40 am

    #1492317

    Koen Verbeeck (5/24/2012)

    Schadenfreude-Mei (5/24/2012)

    Robert Davis (5/23/2012)

    I laughed very hard at the replies here, but if we're posting serious answers now, I think the OP should start with this post by Paul Randal: http://www.sqlskills.com/BLOGS/PAUL/post/The-art-of-asking-email-questions-or-not.aspx

    This post is about asking for help in emails, but I think it mostly applies to frums as well.

    why spoil the fun?

    Indeed. As we speak, this thread is becoming a twitter hit 😀

    really ?

    MVDBA

  • May 24, 2012 at 2:47 am

    #1492323

    Jup

    https://twitter.com/JanosBerke/status/205519876062842880

    It's been retweeted a few times and we had some good laughs 🙂

    Need an answer? No, you need a question
    My blog at https://sqlkover.com.
    MCSE Business Intelligence - Microsoft Data Platform MVP

  • May 24, 2012 at 4:04 am

    #1492373

    Koen Verbeeck (5/24/2012)

    Jup

    https://twitter.com/JanosBerke/status/205519876062842880

    It's been retweeted a few times and we had some good laughs 🙂

    If it's followed on twitter now, I just wonder if the OP did try my favoured

    marine chronometer and sextant method to measure SQL performance or he preferred using sundial and ballistic pendulum one?

    To Robert Davis:

    I've checked P.Randal link, looks like he is very traditional (I could even say too conservative) in a way he approach SQL :hehe:

    Here you will find more of useful tips and helpful diagram...:

    http://ask.sqlservercentral.com/questions/3898/which-is-the-best-sql-joke.html

    _____________________________________________
    "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing"
    "O skol'ko nam otkrytiy chudnyh prevnosit microsofta duh!":-D
    (So many miracle inventions provided by MS to us...)

    How to post your question to get the best and quick help[/url]

  • May 24, 2012 at 4:12 am

    #1492376

    Koen Verbeeck (5/24/2012)

    Jup

    https://twitter.com/JanosBerke/status/205519876062842880

    It's been retweeted a few times and we had some good laughs 🙂

    cool - i just loked at the tweet, can anyone provide contact details so i can arrange an interview ?

    MVDBA

  • May 24, 2012 at 4:17 am

    #1492379

    My fav was the storing files on pen-drives for quick recovers.

    Adam Zacks-------------------------------------------Be Nice, Or Leave

  • May 24, 2012 at 4:26 am

    #1492384

    Eugene Elutin (5/24/2012)

    Koen Verbeeck (5/24/2012)

    Jup

    https://twitter.com/JanosBerke/status/205519876062842880

    It's been retweeted a few times and we had some good laughs 🙂

    If it's followed on twitter now, I just wonder if the OP did try my favoured

    marine chronometer and sextant method to measure SQL performance or he preferred using sundial and ballistic pendulum one?

    To Robert Davis:

    I've checked P.Randal link, looks like he is very traditional (I could even say too conservative) in a way he approach SQL :hehe:

    Here you will find more of useful tips and helpful diagram...:

    http://ask.sqlservercentral.com/questions/3898/which-is-the-best-sql-joke.html

    What the name of your Circus or Comedy Club? Do you employ animal trainers and/or jongleurs?

    I can train T-SQLrexs so they will jump from server to server, and you will be able to put your head into their open jaws. Also, I can jungle with fire-indexes and round-cursors

    What is the pay? Food?

    _____________________________________________
    "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing"
    "O skol'ko nam otkrytiy chudnyh prevnosit microsofta duh!":-D
    (So many miracle inventions provided by MS to us...)

    How to post your question to get the best and quick help[/url]

  • May 24, 2012 at 4:40 am

    #1492391

    Eugene Elutin (5/24/2012)

    Eugene Elutin (5/24/2012)

    Koen Verbeeck (5/24/2012)

    Jup

    https://twitter.com/JanosBerke/status/205519876062842880

    It's been retweeted a few times and we had some good laughs 🙂

    If it's followed on twitter now, I just wonder if the OP did try my favoured

    marine chronometer and sextant method to measure SQL performance or he preferred using sundial and ballistic pendulum one?

    To Robert Davis:

    I've checked P.Randal link, looks like he is very traditional (I could even say too conservative) in a way he approach SQL :hehe:

    Here you will find more of useful tips and helpful diagram...:

    http://ask.sqlservercentral.com/questions/3898/which-is-the-best-sql-joke.html

    What the name of your Circus or Comedy Club? Do you employ animal trainers and/or jongleurs?

    I can train T-SQLrexs so they will jump from server to server, and you will be able to put your head into their open jaws. Also, I can jungle with fire-indexes and round-cursors

    What is the pay? Food?

    pay peanuts, get monkeys!!!! 😎

    MVDBA

  • May 24, 2012 at 5:41 am

    #1492435

    THANK YOU EVERYONE!

    i was having a crap day but this has totally cheered me up!! 🙂

    [font="Times New Roman"]There's no kill switch on awesome![/font]

  • May 24, 2012 at 5:50 am

    #1492443

    Loundy (5/24/2012)

    THANK YOU EVERYONE!

    i was having a crap day but this has totally cheered me up!! 🙂

    Give us your address and we will send you our invoices. It will cheer you even higher!

    :hehe:

    I wonder if it's possible to stop this thread to be accessed for free. I believe we should get paid for something like that! Peanuts accepted...

    :w00t:

    _____________________________________________
    "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing"
    "O skol'ko nam otkrytiy chudnyh prevnosit microsofta duh!":-D
    (So many miracle inventions provided by MS to us...)

    How to post your question to get the best and quick help[/url]

  • May 24, 2012 at 5:55 am

    #1492448

    Eugene Elutin (5/24/2012)

    Loundy (5/24/2012)

    THANK YOU EVERYONE!

    i was having a crap day but this has totally cheered me up!! 🙂

    Give us your address and we will send you our invoices. It will cheer you even higher!

    :hehe:

    I wonder if it's possible to stop this thread to be accessed for free. I believe we should get paid for something like that! Peanuts accepted...

    :w00t:

    I also take payment in Microsoft Points, to save the handling charges on peanut imports to the UK

  • May 24, 2012 at 6:22 am

    #1492464

    anthony.green (5/24/2012)

    Eugene Elutin (5/24/2012)

    Loundy (5/24/2012)

    THANK YOU EVERYONE!

    i was having a crap day but this has totally cheered me up!! 🙂

    Give us your address and we will send you our invoices. It will cheer you even higher!

    :hehe:

    I wonder if it's possible to stop this thread to be accessed for free. I believe we should get paid for something like that! Peanuts accepted...

    :w00t:

    I also take payment in Microsoft Points, to save the handling charges on peanut imports to the UK

    Can we get back to discussing SQL issues here?

    For example why:

    "SELECT * FROM Crap" doesn't return the star, but it does return some bullsh*t instead! 🙁

    _____________________________________________
    "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing"
    "O skol'ko nam otkrytiy chudnyh prevnosit microsofta duh!":-D
    (So many miracle inventions provided by MS to us...)

    How to post your question to get the best and quick help[/url]

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